Previously, Ren met Senator Adam Rozelle at a coffee fund-raiser and was deeply disturbed by just how much he acted like her boyfriend Rick Kaplan. He said the same kind of words. He said: look at what you made me do.

Just a warning: this episode contains scenes of a sexual nature

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Chapter 6.    

Ren spent the rest of the week rediscovering the Secure Zone on foot. The jarring fracturing between her mind and her body at the senator’s words worried her. The low level of fitness of this body worried her. She’d already given up thirty years of her life and wasn’t going to cut it even shorter by getting a heart attack. Her parents had died when they weren’t much older than Ren was now but they’d been Outside the Secure Zone by then. They’d both caught one of the many virulent diseases that were rife Outside. Without money they had no access to a hospital and only used home-made remedies. They didn’t work.

Two days after their cremation, her brother joined one of the gangs and Ren never saw him again.

She could now afford whatever hospital procedure she needed but she wasn’t going to take any chances. She was going to be fit and well for the twenty years she had left. Thirty if she was lucky. That meant that she was going to have to shed weight. She wondered if Marina had known she was going to swap and therefore had stopped looking after her body.

All that is going to change. As she no longer had to go to work - she was officially retired - she concentrated on working out. Get it? Not working but working out. She especially liked her bright blue new walking boots. She had bought them without even checking the price. They made every footstep buoyant. This is fun. Walking is fun.

Her body puffed but she grinned at the same time. Walking was the best exercise she could do at the moment. They’d upgrade to yoga and jogging later. Maybe add some weight training too. No need to get skinny, just healthy. She swung her arms and let her feet take her wherever they wanted. She always set out towards the nearest park first. Even when she lived here first-time round, these parks had been controversial. Remove them and the Secure Zone could house thousands more people. Looking at the trees around her, the flowering shrubs and carefully mowed grass, Ren enjoyed that the people inside had voted overwhelmingly against that proposal. It would be brought up again in a few years or so, she thought, and she would vote against it then.

She’d paid a high price for privilege and she was going to treasure all of it.

At the end of the park, she turned left. She liked walking down this street. The city planners had done a good job and made this a colourful area without it being garish. Even the pavement cafes were colour-coordinated with the buildings behind. She wasn’t planning on selling her apartment but if she ever did, she’d move here.

Her feet stopped and she paused outside the Cornflower Tower for a little breather. The block was painted in the same colour as her walking boots which amused her. After a few minutes, she set off again, ambling without a pre-set route in mind. She walked for twenty minutes without stopping, I’m getting fitter, and then heard applause in the distance. She went towards the sound without much thought and found herself on the main square. Back here, just in time to see Senator Adam Rozelle take the stage. Was that the plan all along? She hummed.

Fine, now that she was at his next rally, she might as well hear what he had to say. She wanted to set her mind at ease. Maybe that’s why she’d walked here, so that she could stop worrying about him. He should have meetings in some other areas too, she thought. Just because this had been his district, he shouldn’t limit himself to being here. A rally in front of the courthouse might give him more general publicity. Unless Adam was one of those men who loved preaching to the choir. Who loved getting on a stage in front of his adoring fans.

‘No,’ she said out loud.

Okay, fine then.

‘Being Outside,’ the senator said, ‘has made me understand how much I took for granted. My safety, my health, they were all guaranteed by the Secure Zone. Now, I have to accept that some of the things I said were wrong. Some of the views I held. I reassessed what I stood for.’

‘You’re a sell-out!’ someone to Ren’s left shouted.

Even the hecklers were polite here.

‘I understand that you think that. But also understand that I’m one of the few people Outside who’s got enough money for food and healthcare. And I’m scared. How much harder must it be for others? I’m still not saying it’s right, but I understand now why people swap. Instead of making it illegal, we only need to tighten the rules. We need to make sure nobody is taken advantage of.’

‘Are they paying you?’

‘Trust me, I didn’t take any bribes before and I’m definitely not taking any now. When given overwhelming evidence that you’re wrong, shouldn’t you alter your stance? Isn’t that what sensible people do? I don’t think I’d make a good senator if I stuck with what I’d said, even if I now knew better. These horrendous things that happened have been an opportunity for me to challenge my own beliefs.’ He waved to the crowd, his adoring fans. He looked in Ren’s direction. ‘People swap because they’ve run out of options. Because they’ve got nowhere else to go.’

Those words were Rick’s words. That’s what he used to say whenever she talked about swapping. Run. Run. Maybe he hasn’t seen me yet. He can’t know who I am now.

‘Thanks everybody for coming to support me today.’

Her hands were up in the air and she was whooping along with the rest of the crowd as the senator walked off the stage.

‘He’s so charismatic,’ a woman to Ren’s right said, ‘but he used to be a much better speaker, don’t you think?’

Ren spotted her old body to the side of the stage. The senator put his hand on New Ren’s shoulder. She stared up at him in adoration.

‘He used to tell these rambling stories. I liked those. Now he’s a bit more to the point.’

Had she ever looked that in love before? Not even when she and Rick had just started going out, she thought. No man had been the total centre of her attention. There was always a part of herself she’d kept aside. Or so Rick had told her.

That she kept her brain engaged at all times had annoyed him. That she wanted to think for herself.

Look at what you made me do, he’d said.

If only she knew what the senator had been like before. His opinions had changed, his views on swapping had changed. That didn’t mean that he was a different person. People could change their minds.

Had he literally changed his?

It would be a masterstroke by Lippo: have one of the main critics of swapping now be an advocate.

No, it couldn’t be Rick, she thought. Marina wouldn’t be with Adam if his mind wasn’t his own. It was just her scarred obsession that made her see him everywhere.

***

The bar was heaving even though it was early evening. She didn’t know why Sarah had called her to urgently come here but she didn’t want to turn Marina’s friend down. Is this what you two used to do?

‘What took you so long?’ Sarah said.

‘I needed to get ready. Have a shower. Get changed.’

‘You never cared before.’

‘It’s my goal for retirement: get in shape and look better.’

‘Your goal for retirement should be to get into politics. You’ve got the cash to do it.’

‘Is cash all you need? Don’t you need to have purpose too?’

‘Your purpose is right here,’ Sarah whispered in Ren’s ear.

‘Here?’ Ren looked around her. ‘I should start a political party to promote drinking?’

‘Ha ha, very funny. No, Adam Rozelle is here. That’s why I called you.’

‘He’s here?’ Ren checked her watch. ‘He’s cutting it fine.’ Only half an hour before the borders with the Outside closed.

‘Exactly! He’ll have to leave soon. That’s why I told you to hurry! Aren’t I the best friend ever?’

No, you’re not, Ren thought as her body was already hugging her. ‘Where is he?’

‘Over there. Don’t turn around! God, you’re so obvious.’

 He caught her looking. A grin formed on his face.

‘He’s coming over. He’s coming over!’

As if Ren couldn’t see that for herself. Her body turned towards him. She pushed back slightly against Sarah to make space for Adam to stand next to her at the bar.

‘Hi! I remember you,’ he leaned in closely to purr the words in her ear.

Her mouth was dry. That’s not the behaviour of someone who blocked my emails. She smiled up at her hero.

‘Thanks for coming to my fund raiser the other day. Let me get you a drink.’

‘I’m still good,’ Ren said. Her fingers gripped the stem of her wineglass tightly. At least we agree on something. 

‘Your friend told me that you recently sold your company and might want to fund my campaign more?’

‘Yes,’ Ren said. Marina’s body said. ‘Whatever you want.’

‘Are you okay talking about that now? Somewhere a bit quieter, where we can actually hear each other. I’ve got,’ he checked his watch, ‘exactly ten minutes before I have to go.’

He took the drink out of her hand and put it on the bar. His hand fitted around her wrist and he tugged her into the corridor. Her mind didn’t want to go but her body trotted behind him so happily that he didn’t even have to use force. He looked around to check if anybody was watching, then opened the door to the toilet and pushed her inside. He kicked the door shut and locked it behind him, his eyes never leaving her face. He leant in, kissed her and her body wanted him so badly it hurt. His hand slipped up her skirt.

‘You’re so wet,’ he muttered. ‘Have you ever been this hot for me before, Ren?’

He called me Ren. Run. Run. Go now! Waves of the body’s desire overruled her fear.

Her treacherous fingers hiked her skirt up to her waist.

He chortled and turned her round, his hand on her breast, so that she faced the wall. ‘I knew you wouldn’t resist, you horny slut. You couldn’t even resist killing someone.’

Afterwards, she thought her mind could have gained control over her body at that point. She would have walked but he had her pinned against the wall.

He put his hand over her mouth and nose.

Even her body recognised that this was only meant to feel good for one of them. Don’t try to fight it. Keeping her body motionless to get it over more quickly was what Ren’s mind was good at after all. Don’t fight. It was all too familiar.

‘Look at what you’re making me do,’ he hissed in her ear. ‘Fucking this fat old slag.’ When he’d finished, he took his hand away. She gasped for air. ‘Your old body wants me all the time now,’ he said, zipping himself back up. ‘She’ll be gagging for it when I get back. I can barely keep up.’

She rested her forehead against the wall.

‘But it really pissed me off that you wanted to get away, Ren. You need to know that you can’t.’ He patted her shoulder. ‘I’ll be back here in a couple of weeks. I’ll have a lot of fun.’ He closed the toilet door behind him.

She pulled her skirt down again. She waited until she couldn’t hear the footsteps anymore, then grabbed handfuls of toilet paper and cleaned herself up as much as she could. She scrubbed until her skin was red. She didn’t cry. She sat down on the toilet and waited until she was certain he’d left. He had to make the border crossing in time after all.

When there was no way he could still be in the bar, she got up, looked in the mirror and wiped her run mascara from underneath her eyes. She opened the toilet door and walked towards the bar’s exit.

‘Did I see that right?’ Sarah said as Ren grabbed her coat. ‘Did that just happen?’

She didn’t reply but kept walking.

Walking because she had nowhere left to run.

Chapter 7.    

Ren closed the door behind her and double-locked it. Her body was shaking. She was back in sync with herself: mind and body both scared. She’d shaken as well that first time when happiness had turned to fear. When desire became pain. It had come out of nowhere, that first time he’d held her head under water.

Easy measures first. She was sure that Rick knew where she lived. The communal door had a fingerprint lock but people always held the door open for each other. At least he couldn’t come here until the border opened again tomorrow. Before then, she needed to change her personal door code in case Marina had told him. The thought jumped into her mind that he had no reason anymore to keep her from bruising. Her body was no longer valuable merchandise. Her fingers trembled so much that she couldn’t press the right buttons on the keypad. She needed to calm down.

I’m safe here.

Her apartment protected her. She could secure it. She took a couple of deep breaths in. She steadied her hands and entered the old code. Now for the new one. Not her birthday. Not anything that he could guess. She picked 261157. The date that she’d been thrown out of the Secure Zone with her family. She’d never told Rick about that. It was safe enough.

Over the next days, she found out how easy it was to stay indoors. She was careful when deliveries turned up. She shouted ‘thank you’ from behind the locked door. She waited for the footsteps to retreat. She looked through the spyhole before she opened the door and fished for her parcel whilst keeping her feet inside the doorframe.

It still felt risky.

She bought a security camera.

She bought an additional lock for the door.

Sarah bombarded her with messages. Marina, what happened? Why aren’t you answering? Are you alright? Talk to me. I’m not judging you. Call me. I’m worried. I’m worried about you.

She didn’t reply to any of them. There was no need to pretend to be Marina if she was not going to meet up with people anymore.

There were other messages too.

Not for Marina but for Ren.

She bought another lock.

She bought a top-of-the-range exercise bike. Yes, I am still going to get into shape. She put the bike in Marina’s office. Pedalling calmed her down. This is much better than walking. Who needed outside air?

After the exercise she kneeled on her sofa, rested her elbows on the backrest, and looked up at the sky. Clouds were running across the blue expanse. Birds flew past. She was connected with the rest of the world from here. The flat was ten times the size of the room she’d had in Lippo’s building. It was twice as big as Rick’s place. It had an indoor bathroom. It had a kitchen. She now had an exercise room.

She found a website that live streamed Senator Adam Rozelle’s next rally. She saw her old body by his side. She smiled adoringly up at him.

Ren hoped Marina was enough.

She knew she probably wasn’t.

Still, the day that Rick had said he’d be back went by without an incident.

After the rally, more messages turned up.

Is that the woman you sold your company to? What is he doing with her?

Marina, what’s going on?

She bought a new datapad. She had money. She could buy whatever she wanted.

Her days settled into a new routine: breakfast, cycle, watch TV, watch repeats of the live-stream, lunch, cycle, shower, sleep, watch TV, cycle, shower, dinner, order food for the next day, watch TV, sleep.

Days that were so similar that they were impossible to tell apart somehow strung together into weeks. She was inside her own private secure zone.

***

She pedalled uphill, or so the bike’s exercise program was telling her. Her body was working hard and loving every second of it. The muscle on her thighs and calves were getting stronger. Her stomach was flatter. The screen depicted scenery that didn’t exist inside the Secure Zone. Ahead of her, the mountain road snaked up to the top. With not much else to do, exercise had become her new addiction. Better this than cake. The red flag of the hill summit twisted in the wind. One last push and she passed it.  The bike lowered back to flat. Five minutes of cooldown. Her heartrate came down to normal and she wiped the sweat from her face with the small blue towel she had draped over the handlebars.

There was a knock on her door. She didn’t expect a delivery but got off her bike. Her legs wobbled a bit but then steadied. She grabbed her water bottle and drank a couple of gulps as she made her way to the door, ready to shout ‘thank you’ at whomever had dropped off her parcel.

A sound stopped her before she was halfway across the room. Beep beep beep beep beep beep. Six beeps. Someone was putting in the entry code. The beep that announced it had been wrong was a relief. The door didn’t open. The person outside tried again. Wrong again.

Her heart rate was sky-high. Beating as if she was pedalling up a mountain. She reminded herself there were extra locks.

A knock on her door. ‘Open the door, Marina,’ Adam Rozelle’s voice said.

She took a step forward before she could stop herself.

‘Marina, just open up. I want to see you.’ His voice was low. He sounded like a caress.

She took another step towards the door. No.

‘You know you want to see me. We can be together. This is what you dreamed of.’

Her body wavered. His voice said the words she wanted to hear. Her hands switched on the screen beside the door. She did want to see him.

Adam looked up at the security camera. 

He called me a fat old slag she remembered on purpose but her fingers slipped down her stomach, trailed over the hipbones she could now feel. It hasn’t change that much.

‘Marina, I’m sorry for what happened.’ He smiled at her. Straight down the camera. Her stomach contracted. ‘Give me another chance,’ he said. ‘Don’t you want to be with me? Let me in.’

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